Research

Okay, so I thought I had a pretty good handle on what foods are in the vegan family. If you kill it, milk it, or grab it from a chicken's vagina, it's probably not going to fly. So to speak.

Then I remembered my protein powder. I mean, I could have protein shakes, right?

Wrong. See, I have whey protein powder. Which comes from milk. Which comes from a cow.

So now I have to buy vegan protein powder.

What about a safe choice, like bagels? Apparently, most of them are vegan. But sometimes they're brushed with egg whites to make them shiny.

So now I have to make sure to buy vegan bagels.

And bread? It's easy to buy vegan bread. Not so fast. I mean, sure, there are plenty of vegan bread choices. But something like, say, honey wheat? Uh-uh.

See, honey comes from bees. And bees are animals.

Seriously?

One website had a guy talking about how bees were oppressed by these cruel beekeepers, harvesting them for their hard-earned honey.

NO FUCKING SHIT, COLUMBO! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU THINK BEEKEEPERS DO?

Sigh. Anyway.

So now, no honey. And since I already said no sugar, I'm going to be relying on stevia as my only sweetener.

I haven't even started yet and I'm already exhausted.