June Challenge

Hello friends,

After a brief hiatus, we are back with the Monastic Challenge. Admittedly, the media fast challenge was a pretty boring one in the blogosphere.

Okay. Here we go:

-Do at least one random act of kindness a day.

That's it. Whatever you interpret that to be. Helping an old lady across the street, buying a homeless guy lunch, whatever.

We'll talk more about the ins and outs of this challenge over the coming days.

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As an aside, I had a religious experience a little while ago that's still settling.

Most of the time, I always associated "religious experiences" as just a rush of positive emotion or well-being. Well, I am man enough to admit when I'm wrong.

Wait. Let's back up.

I was with a buddy at a bar in North Hollywood, when he's telling me a story about how he had stumbled into a church group for men. Something like "Authentic Manhood". And in the meeting, a line really jumped out to him.

"God, open the eyes of my heart."

So he goes to this park, sits on a bench, and says, "Okay, God. Open the eyes of my heart. I'm here, God. I'm waiting."

And something HAPPENED. He suddenly felt the presence of God in the middle of this park---the trees, the wind, everything. I still don't know why, but as he's telling me this story, I completely lose it. I start crying in the middle of this crowded, meat-market bar. It's crazy.

So, a couple of hours later, I head back to my apartment. Street parking in the area sucks, so I had a bit of a walk. As I'm on the sidewalk, I decide to say the line. "God, open the eyes of my heart. God, open the eyes of my heart."

And something HAPPENED.

You know when you're at the eye doctor and they have the little lenses over your eyes? And the doctor says "Is it clearer now? Or now?" while flipping lenses. Well, it was as if someone had flipped a big lens over and everything became clear.

And I don't mean metaphorically clear. I mean my actual eyesight became a hundred times clearer. I could see the details on the leaves of the trees, the cracks in the sidewalk. A stop sign jumped out at me with a sharpness I have never seen in my life.

(Now, as another quick aside: With my contacts in, I have better-than-normal vision. About 20/15. And my contacts were in. And my vision wasn't blurry at all before the experience. )

At the same time, an incredible sense of peace washed over me. And for the first time, I truly felt the presence of God in me and all around me.

Back in the saddle

Hello friends,

So this blog has been pretty sparse over the last few weeks, due to a self-imposed media fast. I'm not going to lie---after the first two weeks the fast started to fall apart. But it was good to get away from the constant plugging into Facebook, email, and the like.

I still don't watch or read the news.

Fun fact: I didn't know the healthcare bill passed until someone told me about it.

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I haven't eaten meat since the challenge started and I don't plan on it.

But I have, over the past two weeks, consumed quite a bit of dairy, sugar, alcohol, and...um, the medicinal plants avaialble in California.

And to be honest, I think I'm done with all that.

I felt markedly worse after just a few days of Pizza Hut and doughnuts. Slower, wearker, and plagued with constant heartburn and congestion. And worst of all, my motivation completely disappeared. I honestly couldn't tell you what I did the past week, except for an audition and doing laundry.

So today I went back to the Monastic challenge and I already feel a lot better.

After reading Lisa's blog, I'm tempted to try the Raw Vegan diet. I just need to read up on the finer points of the whole thing.

If anyone has any ideas for a good April challenge, post them up on the Facebook page. Maybe something with volunteer work?

The end of the beginning...

...not the beginning of the end.

Final day.

What a remarkable month. Who knew that 28 days could bring about such a drastic change?

Weight lost: 14 pounds
Change in waistline: 3 inches

Better sleep, better endurance, better attitude---better everything. It was so easy.

And most importantly, I just did what I felt like doing. If I wanted to run or lift weights, I did. If I wanted to go hiking or do yoga or just take a nap, that's what happened. I didn't count calories, I didn't have "cheat days", and I didn't stress about eating poorly.

I'm going to stay vegan for a while and see what happens. And I don't have any urge to get drunk or smoke a bowl or even drink coffee. So I'm going to stay on that course for a while, too.

But a cookie is definitely in order. I'm going to eat the fuck out of a cookie.

What about March?

Okay, computer's on. What now...

Ooh. Email. An email forward, something from the Red Cross, some kind of acting workshop, some audition notices for no-budget student films...

Haven't checked Facebook in a couple of hours. Look, someone "liked" my status update. And some emails on Facebook, too. Better read those.

CNN.com---another Tiger Woods story? Ooh, I wanted to look up golf courses in LA. It's been a while since I---

I need music. Better open up a window for Pandora.

Beep.

What the---? Oh, I have a text.

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That's every fucking day for me. Just a constant parade of emails, websites, phonecalls, and bullshit.

I seriously feel like I have adult ADD. It's amazing how little I get done in such a long stretch of time.

And does any of this stuff actually improve the quality of my life? Or does it just let me ignore the lacking parts of life?

So, inspired by this technology-inspired ennui, there will be another monastic challenge for March.

The March Monastic Challenge

• No TV*
• No movies or DVDs
• No texting---if someone texts you with a question, you need to call back with your answer. And you should let that person know you're not texting that much.
• No newspapers, magazines, news sites, blogs, Youtube, Hulu, etc.
• In fact, no web surfing all. Unless it's to achieve a work-related task you're doing THAT DAY. Which means if you're booking a trip to Vegas, you better have your damn credit card in your hand. And even with work-related stuff, you should be limited to ONE HOUR MAXIMUM on the web. If you can't get it done in a half hour, you probably fucked up somewhere.
• No video games or bullshit games on your phone
• Email is permitted TWICE A DAY MAXIMUM.

*---The only acceptable circumstance is if you are auditioning for a show that you haven't seen and need to watch an episode to get the rhythm and style of the show.

I'll post blogs, but I will write them all on Word and post them the following month. I have a feeling this one will be pretty tough. At least as tough as this month's challenge.

Final Week

This has been such a fantastic month.

My weight is fantastic. So far I've lost over 12 pounds and I weigh less than I did in high school. Most of my clothes are too big for me now and I look like a little kid wearing his dad's pants.

Sleep is amazing. I've had the most vivid dreams I've had in years---telekinesis, flying, all kinds of fun stuff. Every morning I wake up refreshed.

My sinuses are clear. My senses of taste and smell are super sharp.

And the biggest change has been in my attitude. I'm usually pretty self-involved. (Jesus, just count how many times the words "I" or "My" appear in this blog post). And more than that, I'm usually really angry and negative.

But lately, almost all of that anger and negativity is just gone. I used to think that the key to feeling happy was either venting my anger all the time. But that doesn't work. It just makes you get used to that physiological response.

I just found out today that my job is going to be ending in a week. In fact, most of my company is going to be gone in a week.

And I couldn't be happier. I couldn't believe I was so EXCITED at the prospect. A month ago, I would have been freaking out and clenching my fists and bitching about bad luck. But the truth is, I don't like this job. I've wanted to leave for a year.

Literally an hour later, my phone rings. It's someone scheduling an interview tomorrow. Whether I end up at that place or not, the synchronicity was amusing.


Some other changes:

• Meat seems really alien to me. It doesn't even seem like food. I'm not sure if I'm going to go back to being a carnivore when this challenge is over.
• Working out has become a necessity. It's as strong an urge as eating or sleeping now.
• I don't miss caffeine or alcohol at all. (Sugar, a little bit. I am human, after all.)
• I started feeling an incredible urge to do yoga again. I haven't done yoga regularly since Peace Corps, which was nine years ago. So I dusted out the old Sivananda book and read up on the basic poses.

Also, this might be a bit of an intellectual stretch, but I've finally solved the big problems in the screenplay I'm working on. The past couple of months, I've been banging my head against the wall trying to fix the story points. But, now it makes sense.

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If you're feeling angry or stressed out or just unhealthy, give the Monastic Challenge a try. You don't have to do all the steps, just pick one or two that really jump out to you.

You won't regret it.

Day Eighteen

Cruising right along on this eighteenth day of monasticism.

If this were a screenplay, we'd be just a bit before the second plot point that starts the third act.

I checked my weight on Monday. I've lost EIGHT POUNDS in two weeks, without any sort of dieting or monitoring of calories or anything. Working out has been a lot easier and I feel significantly faster and stronger than when we started the challenge. By the time I go back to jiu-jitsu in April, I should be able to compete at lightweight.

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Hmm. What else. Oh! I'm AMAZED how much I'm revolted by meat now. I went to Zankou Chicken the other day to get a falafel and couldn't even stand to look at the chicken and beef shawarma stands. And if you know me, then you also know that I LOVE chicken and beef shawarma. I go to Zankou so often that they know me by name.

But now? As Senator Clay Davis from The Wire would say, "Sheeeeeeee-it". I actually got nauseous and bolted out of there.

The other amazing thing is that my food cravings don't really exist anymore. Before, I'd spend all day thinking "Man, I hate having to eat this healthy crap. What I really want is a meatball sub or a pizza or some Oreos."

But now, I just eat when I'm hungry. I'll snack on almonds or fruit. And now I find myself really wanting vegetables all the time.

What's HAPPENING TO ME?

Midway

Well, the challenge is half-over.

Overall, it's been great. I feel really healthy, I've definitely lost weight, and my breathing has improved dramatically. My senses of smell and taste are sharper. (Although I hesitate to say that a better sense of smell is really a good thing in LA).

And here's a definite sign that my body is changing:

Over the weekend, I got a hankering for vegan pizza*, so I headed down to Whole Foods to pick one up. I made the mistake of walking by the meat department. TERRIBLE IDEA.

I was instantly nauseous. I couldn't even look at the steaks. And these were prime steaks, people! The thirty dollar a pound filets and ribeyes. But now everything just seemed rotten and dead and unclean. Jesus Christ, you want me to EAT that?

I honestly don't know if I'll go back to meat after this experiment is over. I guess we'll see.


*---The vegan pizza was surprisingly good. Try it sometime.

That's Not A Grilled Cheese, Asshole

There's a Carl's Jr. commercial on television that features a group of guys at a diner. The ridiculously hot waitress brings over a tray and starts serving burgers. When she gets to the final guy, she says "a kid's grilled cheese meal with a crayon and a coloring book."

And then the table of ridiculously hot girls at the booth across from them roll their eyes.

And what is this commercial for? The "grown up" grilled cheese---which, according to the retards at Carl's Jr., has a HAMBURGER AND BACON ON IT.

That's not a grilled cheese. That's a motherfucking bacon cheeseburger.

And the linguistic clumsiness isn't the only thing I have a problem with in this commercial. Everyone's so condescending to this poor bastard who wanted to order some bread with melted cheese on it at 3am. Is that a fucking crime?

Now, at this point, you're probably thinking "Isn't this a blog about not eating meat or dairy for a month? What does this have to do with a dumbass commercial?"

Well, here's the thing.

When I saw the commercial and they showed the picture of the big, greasy cheeseburger, I got incredibly nauseous. Ten days in and I honestly am revolted by (at least some kinds of) meat. I thought about eating a turkey sandwich and----God, I don't even want to talk about it.

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And while we're on a cheese-related blog, I tried some of that Daiya cheddar cheese that everyone is raving about. Okay, I will admit that it LOOKS a lot like cheese. But honestly, I don't see the big deal. It's kind of gross and tastes closer to Velveeta than anything squeezed from a cow's boob. It has a really weird, buttery smell.

If that's the best kind of vegan cheese out there, I'm just going to pass.


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God, those off-white slices of deli turkey. And that weird, chewy texture. And the smell! Oh, Jesus Christ that's awful.

I need to lie down for a minute. Talk amongst yourselves.

Fourth Day

"We can make him better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster."

---The Six Million Dollar Man.

What a difference the fourth day was. I leapt out of bed about an hour before my alarm was supposed to go off. The sick feeling is mostly gone and I had a ton of energy. For the first few hours of the day, I was skipping around like a five year old. When it was finally time to hit the gym at 11, I was really cooking.

But the hour of cardio and weights wasn't quite enough. So later, after work, I knocked out another 100 situps, leg raises, and a couple sets of deadlifts.

And for the first time in a while, I felt really light on my feet.

Vegan superhuman. We'll see what the next few days bring.

Third Day

Apparently, it's normal to feel sick on the third day of any sort of detox or cleansing. At least that's what Lisa says.

And I certainly did not disappoint. I crawled out of bed at 6 with a sore throat and sinuses filled with concrete. All day, I slithered around with the bare minimum of energy and STILL felt exhausted.

The strange thing is, I still wanted to go to the gym. I even wanted to WALK there, for some lunatic reason. So I shuffled the mile and a half to the Studio City Bally's to go lift some weights and listen to the terrible music they pipe in on the gym speakers. (Ask me how many Miley Cyrus songs I know. Ask me.)

A word to the wise: Ventura Blvd. is probably the stupidest place on God's green earth to walk around in a sick haze. I was nearly run over twice.

But even after a mediocre workout and quite a bit of walking, I still felt really stressed. Dumbass health insurance, job, and money worries still crept into my brain. And I had to quell the urge to dull that stress with a beer or a bowl or a slice of pizza.

And the damnedest thing happened. I realized that what I really wanted to do was meditate.

Now, I haven't really meditated in eight or nine years. But there I was, cross-legged on the carpet and breathing with my eyes closed. I even did ten minutes of "Om" chanting. And for a minute, I felt like I was outside of my body. My limbs belonged to someone else. I was just this essence without form.

When it was over, I was amazed at how much better I felt. That queasy feeling, that ache in my brain---GONE.

Maybe that's just something we all need in our lives. Some quiet time to just breathe and stop worrying.

Second Day

Nuts. Lots of nuts.

Veggie burgers. Spinach. Endless cups of water. This is what I eat. And to be honest, it's not that bad.

The hardest part isn't the avoidance of meat or dairy or sugar. It's not sex or caffeine.

It's the avoidance of harmful thoughts. Of negativity.

Here's an experiment. Tomorrow, every time you feel angry or hateful or jealous, just take a note of it. Every time you think "that guy's an asshole" or "she's a bitch", just take note.

If you're like me, you're a lot angrier than you give yourself credit for.

It would be the height of foolishness to try to abstain from thinking negatively at all. A thought would creep in, subconsciously even, and then you'd be all done. No, we're just trying to avoid the harmful thoughts. Not dwelling on them.

This is a bit easier to do, but not much. Probably ten times today, I found myself getting angry over little, mundane things. My job. Traffic. The slowness of the elevator.

Taking a deep breath helps, but only a little. Saying "it's no big deal" helps, but not much. Smiling almost does the trick, but not quite.

When I was younger, I used to laugh at how people would flip out over the pettiest things. Getting the wrong burger, a long line, being cut off in traffic. And I could never understand what their problem was.

But I do now. Because it isn't just the burger or the line or the asshole with no turn signal. It's the accumulation of little annoyances, on top of a deep and heavy dissatisfaction with their lives. A crushing sense of fear or doubt or inadequacy. And it manifests in those little events that, in and of themseles, are minor.

I understand this, because I feel the same way. Working in Hollywood can be grueling in a weird way.

NOT working in Hollywood is grueling. Meetings and auditions and packets. The endless driving and promises and handshakes. And at the end of the day, not being a single step further along. I've worked for two years on my show without making a single penny. I'm on the third draft of a screenplay I feel I'll never finish. And I can't even get in the audition room for the shows I want to be on.

It's the kind of thing that makes you want to drink. Or smoke pot. Or eat an animal-style Double-Double with extra crispy fries. Anything to stick your head in the sand and avoid that awful truth: life is moving on, while you're just standing still.

The truth of this little experiment isn't just "Hey, let's not have fun for a month." It's removing all of the crutches that we use when something is wrong. And confronting them head on.

The real challenge of this whole thing isn't to see if we can survive without Jack Daniels. It's to see if we can survive with only ourselves.

Last Meal

This was the last meal. An In-N-Out cheeseburger (animal style), fries, and a Coke. I even put it on a plate to mark the occasion.

Somebody asked me why my friends and I were going vegan. Honestly, I'm still not quite sure. I mean, part of it is to be healthier. But there's really no overarching REASON for doing it. Other than the fact that we wondered if we could.

I respect people who are vegetarian for moral reasons. My father, incidentally, is a vegetarian. He's Hindu and that's the norm in India. The idea of eating meat is just distasteful and anathema in his worldview. Though I have seen him eat fish at Red Lobster with no problem whatsoever. Fish are fine.

Incidentally, out of all of the animals we kill as a society, fish have it the worst. They get pulled, BY A HOOK IN THEIR MOUTH, into a hostile environment until they drown. That's way worse than a cow getting a bolt gun to the head or a chicken getting its neck snapped.

No one gives a fuck about fish because they're not cute, unless they're animated and voiced by Ellen Degeneres. But I digress.

I've heard some vegetarians talk about how, after a certain period of time, the very idea of eating meat is disgusting to them. And I wonder, if I was vegetarian for long enough, would my worldview change? Would I become repulsed at the activity I so thoroughly enjoyed before?

Could I look at a delicious Double-Double and feel nothing but sorrow?

I'm curious to find out.

And here's a really funny bit from Louis CK to close out this entry:

Things Are A Changin'

On New Years Day, I had a distinct feeling that 2010 was going to be a really exciting year. I couldn't put my finger on why, exactly, just that it would be different.

Yesterday, I learned that my company is giving everyone (including me) substantial pay cuts starting next month. And my roommate is thinking about moving to a new place, but wanted to know if I'd be down for moving there, also.

It's entirely possible that by the end of this experiment, I'll be in a new place, with a new job, eating a completely different diet.

Which is ultimately a good thing. I've been eating like shit and I don't really like my job. But I really like this apartment. We have an elevator and everything.

Escalation

Jim Gordon: What about escalation?

Batman: Escalation?

Jim Gordon: We start carrying semi-automatics, they buy automatics. We start wearing Kevlar, they buy armor-piercing rounds.

Batman: And?

Jim Gordon: And *you're* wearing a mask and jumping off rooftops. Now, take this guy: armed robbery, double homicide. Got a taste for theatrical, like you. Leaves a calling card.

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I told a couple of friends about my foolish month of veganism. And, since they're lunatics like me, they decided to up the ante a bit.

So now, we have:

The Monastic Challenge

Vegan diet (no meat, fish, eggs, dairy)
No refined sugar
No alcohol
No drugs (including caffeine)
No sexual release of any kind
No harmful thoughts toward others (compassion to all beings)

Big Mike made a Facebook page, appropriately entitled "The Monastic Challenge". We'll probably post hourly updates of our withdrawal symptoms.

Any one of these things would be irritating and cause me to make a smart-ass remark about it. But all six? This is going to be an interesting month, indeed.

Research

Okay, so I thought I had a pretty good handle on what foods are in the vegan family. If you kill it, milk it, or grab it from a chicken's vagina, it's probably not going to fly. So to speak.

Then I remembered my protein powder. I mean, I could have protein shakes, right?

Wrong. See, I have whey protein powder. Which comes from milk. Which comes from a cow.

So now I have to buy vegan protein powder.

What about a safe choice, like bagels? Apparently, most of them are vegan. But sometimes they're brushed with egg whites to make them shiny.

So now I have to make sure to buy vegan bagels.

And bread? It's easy to buy vegan bread. Not so fast. I mean, sure, there are plenty of vegan bread choices. But something like, say, honey wheat? Uh-uh.

See, honey comes from bees. And bees are animals.

Seriously?

One website had a guy talking about how bees were oppressed by these cruel beekeepers, harvesting them for their hard-earned honey.

NO FUCKING SHIT, COLUMBO! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU THINK BEEKEEPERS DO?

Sigh. Anyway.

So now, no honey. And since I already said no sugar, I'm going to be relying on stevia as my only sweetener.

I haven't even started yet and I'm already exhausted.

Joining The Enemy

I should admit something up front.

I tend to lump vegans with Wiccans, Mormons, creationists, 9/11 truthers, religious fundamentalists, and people that find Jay Leno funny.

Simply put, you're fucking lunatics that I have absolutely no interest in talking to.

I'm sure you're very nice, but I don't have the strength to listen to your inane babble about the healing energy of Gaea or controlled demolitions or why airplane seats are so small.

Of all of the aforementioned lunatics, vegans are probably the last group I thought I would actually join. I mean, Wiccans are weird, but I don't think my Wiccan lifestyle would be that different from the one I have now. What, buy some crystals and talk about Mammon at the spiritual bookstore? How hard could that be?

But veganism? Christ. What a fucking drag. It's an entire culture built around the stuff you DON'T do. No meat, no dairy, no eggs, no fun. What the hell do vegans even do on a Saturday night? Eat stir-fry tofu and drink gluten-free beer?

Who wants to be that guy? Who wants to be the sallow, 120lb hippie who constantly replies "Oh no, I'm vegan," with a condescending smile?

Who wants to be the boor who spouts off about how dairy farms rape their cows or pollute rivers or something else that no one cares about.

Not me.

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So why become a vegan? Well, I'll tell you.

Last night, I had a moment of clarity. In the middle of downing my tenth peanut butter cookie, something occurred to me.

I hadn't eaten a fruit or vegetable ALL DAY. Not one. And not only that, this is how I eat MOST OF THE TIME.

Coffee. Donuts. Soda. Cookies. Chips. Pepperoni pizza*.

I'm sitting there, crumbs still on my shirt, looking at my belly jiggle with high fructose corn syrup and grease. Feeling that weird heartburn from eating nasty, chemically processed food.

Have I become that guy? Have I become that lard-ass that ignores the most basic of nutritional needs? Would I be some 1000lb diabetic, glued to a futon and eating fried chicken by the bucket?

I knew that I wanted to stop eating like shit. I knew that I wanted to eat healthy.

But (and this is the saddest part), I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW IF I COULD. I mean, I could do okay for a couple of days. But eventually I'd fall victim to the siren song of carne asada or ice cream or Zankou chicken.

At around the same time, I stumbled on my friend Lisa's blog. Lisa, among other things, is probably the only vegan I can stand. And she's constantly talking about how healthy she feels, which tends to annoy the crap out of me.

So I decided to try a little experiment. One month. One month of trying it her way. I'll be a one month vegan.

And I added a couple of other things, just to test my willpower. No refined sugar, no caffeine, and no alcohol.

But it's February. A short month. It'll be over soon, right?

Right?

*---I know what some of you are thinking. "Tomato sauce is a vegetable." And then some of you private school kids are thinking "Tomatoes are actually FRUIT, aren't I fucking clever?".

Well, go fuck yourself. That's what I'm thinking.